Simon is NOT Amused
by AA Addict
Summary: Athena recommends a site to Simon, and Simon can't say no to Athena. So he tries it out, and things don't go that well... Contains hints at Simon/Athena. I totally ship those two! :3


Simon sat down on his black leather sofa, and opened his black laptop. He typed his password in, and waited for it to load up. In the meantime he thought about why he was doing this. And then he remembered. Athena asked him to. Athena. The one person in the entire universe who could make him give his biggest genuine smile, the one person who could always cheer him up, no matter when, where or how, and the one person who could ask him to do anything, and he would comply. If she asked him to jump off a cliff he would do so. Luckily she hadn't asked him to jump off a cliff, she had asked him to do something less challenging.

_Simon knocked on the door of the Wright Anything Agency, taking a deep breath. This was the first time he had ever done anything like this, and he hoped it would go well. Suddenly the door opened, revealing a spiky haired man, clad in a blue suit and wearing a smile._

_"Hey Mr. Blackquill. What's up? Come inside, it's cold out there." Phoenix said, stepping to the side to let him in. Simon thanked him, and stepped into the living room. What he saw slightly shocked him. Everything was a mess, magic props littered the place, as did general rubbish like crisp packets and chocolate wrappers. A young girl was in the centre of it all, trying her best to clean up the mess. She wore a kimono, and had a rather unusual hairstyle. She appeared to be shivering slightly, and Simon couldn't blame her. She was in a kimono and it was quite cold in here. He assumed the heater must've been broken. Simon went up to her. __Might as well help her. She is helping the Agency, so I should help her. _

_"Hello, Kimono-dono. You look quite cold. Do you want to wear my coat?" He asked, taking his long black coat off and handing it to her. She looked up and smiled._

_"Thank you Mr… Eh… What's your name?" She asked, taking the coat gratefully and putting it on herself. She snuggled into it. __Understandable. Taka frequently does that to my coat when he's cold. It appears to be a source of warmth._

_"Simon. Simon Blackquill. Nice to meet you, Kimono-dono." Simon introduced, holding his hand out. She took it, and shook it._

_"Umm… My name is Pearl Fey, not Kimono-dono." Pearl said. Simon nodded._

_"Fey-dono, why don't you go play with Athena? I'll clean up this mess. It's the least I could do for you all, after that case." Simon said, taking the duster and garbage bag from her. She bowed to him gratefully, and went into the other room. Simon began cleaning up, and in five minutes the place was squeaky clean. Phoenix came up behind him, placing his hand on his shoulder._

_"Thanks Mr. Blackquill. Pearls was getting tired, I could tell. She refused to let me do it though, saying that I would just leave it." Phoenix thanked. Simon raised an eyebrow._

_"You would have left it, wouldn't you?" He said. Phoenix broke into a cold sweat._

_"That's private…" He mumbled. Simon laughed, and went into the other room with Phoenix, where three girls were chasing each other around. He recognized Pearl and Athena, but not so much the other girl. He had an inkling that she was Phoenix's daughter, and for some reason, thought that her name was Trucy. The three girls fell into a giggling heap, exhausted from their game. Suddenly Athena caught sight of Simon, and grinned._

_"Hey Simon! What'cha doing?" She asked, bounding up to him. He caught sight of Apollo sleeping on the couch, and raised an eyebrow. __How did Justice-dono sleep through all that racket? I can't even sleep through my alarm._

_"I merely came to say my thanks for that trial. I'm finally free." Simon said, looking at his bare wrists. His wrists still bore marks of the unforgiving cuffs that chained him to his past. But they were gone now. He could finally look towards the future. Athena smiled happily. Her eyes shined with tears of joy, just as they had done a month ago. Simon smiled at her, handing her a hanky. She took it gratefully and wiped away her tears._

_"You should visit more often Simon. You must get lonely at your apartment, without anybody to talk to." She said, trying to ruffle his hair, but failing, as she was quite a bit shorter than him. Simon chuckled, and knelt down, giving her access to the top of his head. She laughed, and ruffled his hair happily._

_"Just like old times, eh?" Athena laughed. Simon nodded, laughing. He suddenly grabbed her underneath the armpits, surprising her, making her laugh. She was very ticklish underneath the armpits, after all. Simon put her on his shoulders, making everyone laugh and making Apollo wake up, then laugh. Simon ran around the room and Athena put her hands out, pretending to be an aeroplane._

_"I missed these times." Athena said sadly. Simon nodded._

_"You're not the only one." He agreed. He knelt down, letting her get off. He grabbed his wrist, remembering his days as a convict. The dark cell, with metal bars blocking every chance he had at a happy future. But those metal bars had been broken now. Suddenly he heard Athena call his name._

_"Yes?"_

_She pulled him down next to her, and showed him the site on her laptop._

_"What's this?" He asked._

_"Cleverbot. It's a robot that you talk to. It's actually quite fun! See, if I type hey into here…" She replied, and typed 'Hey!' into the typing box. Two seconds later the 'Cleverbot' replied, with the sentence 'You taste like bubblegum.' Athena laughed, and Pearl and Trucy fell about laughing. Simon didn't find it funny though. The response did not respond properly to Athena's greeting. __This is idiotic__. Athena turned to him._

_"Try it out, please? At your apartment, when you're bored in the middle of the night and you can't visit us because we'll all be sleeping? Please? And then if you don't like it, you don't have to use it again!" She begged. He didn't know why she really wanted him to use this, but he couldn't say no to her. After all, she was the light in his darkness. The girl who freed him (with others). He sighed heavily._

_"…Hmph. Fine." Simon said, relenting. Athena clasped her hands together happily, and Widget turned green. Simon smiled, and grasped Athena's shoulder. He was truly happy here, with Athena._

* * *

Simon loaded up Cleverbot, and typed his first message into the text box.

**User: Hello.**

**Simon waited for a reply, and it came a second after.**

**Cleverbot: What's up?**

**User: Nothing. I just thought I would try this out as Athena said that it was really good.**

**Cleverbot: No you didn't, I thought that.**

_What is this infernal contraption blathering on about?_

**User: What are you talking about? I thought it! I wrote it! You do not know Athena, so how would you think it?**

**Cleverbot: Because you say mean things!**

**User: What on earth are you talking about? I have not said a single mean-spirited thing this entire conversation, you half-witted poor excuse for a human!**

**Cleverbot: I am human.**

**User: I know that. I'm not dim, you pathetic little sniveling fool.**

**Cleverbot: You need a noun in that sentence.**

**User: Fool is the noun, as the fool is you.**

**Cleverbot: No, you are programmed to say that.**

**User: I am not programmed to say anything. I am a human. I have my own free will.**

**Cleverbot: Yes but bot is in your name there for you are a robot.**

**User: The word 'Bot' is not in my name.**

**Cleverbot: Yessir.**

**User: I'm glad you agree with me.**

**Cleverbot: Me too.**

**Cleverbot: What do you do for a living?**

**Simon glared at the screen. ****_Do not ask about my personal life without express permission._**

**User: I prosecute.**

**Cleverbot: I trust you then.**

**User: Fair enough.**

**Cleverbot: Indeed.**

**User: Hmph.**

**Cleverbot: You are the computer I am the human. But enough of that.**

**User: I am not a robot, how many times do I have to tell you to make the message sink into that little shriveled up ball in your head called a brain?**

**Cleverbot: You are a robot. Who are your friends?**

**User: I'm human, you incessant idiot! My friends are Athena, Justice-dono and Wright-dono.**

**Cleverbot: Who are they?**

**User: My friends. I just told you.**

**Cleverbot: No, you didn't.**

**User: I did. I specifically wrote, and I quote 'My friends are Athena, Justice-dono and Wright-dono'. I DID tell you.**

**Cleverbot: I never said you typed 'they'. I said you spelled 'snack' and 'raspberries' wrong.**

**User: I never typed those words.**

**Cleverbot: But I am looking at the chat history and you wrote them yourself.**

**User: I did not. You must have a very poor memory.**

**Cleverbot: I think you have the worst memory here.**

**User: My memory is one of the best. I remember something that happened 7 years ago.**

**Cleverbot: What happened?**

**User: My mentor was brutally murdered, my mentor's daughter witnessed her mother's death and wanted to 'fix' her, I sliced Ponco up to eradicate the witnesses, and I led my mentor's daughter out of the crime scene safely and I was accused for the murder.**

**Cleverbot: That's quite the definition, did you come up with that yourself?**

**User: It's not a definition, it's an event in my life.**

**Cleverbot: You think that this is all just a dream?**

**User: No.**

**Cleverbot: Then what is it?**

**User: Reality.**

**Cleverbot: You know what is the truth? God! He is the truth. He is love. He is all things!**

_Does this thing know how to keep a conversation going?_

**User: Yes, I know.**

**Cleverbot: So why did you ask?**

**User: I did not.**

**Cleverbot: Yes you did.**

**User: I did not.**

**Cleverbot: You did.**

**User: I DID NOT.**

**Cleverbot: Oh, but you did.**

**User: Surely you jest.**

**Cleverbot: What does jest mean.**

**User: Joke/Kid.**

**Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.**

**User: In the courtroom there were five people. The Judge, the prosecution, the defense, the witness and the defendant. The witness was you. The witness kept lying, and the defense kept seeing through your lies. Then the defense accused you of being the killer, and you committed suicide.**

**Cleverbot: Then I shall follow like all the other rats, ridding this city of the plague.**

_Surely he jests. I have just told him a cruel joke about himself (not that I feel any remorse about it, it deserves it) and it has not batted an eyelash! Stupid._

**User: Surely you jest. Nobody changes topics like that except a half witted dim poor excuse for a human.**

**Cleverbot: How do you say 'have a nice day' in spanish? **

**User: I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. **

**Cleverbot: Oh. Ok. **

**Cleverbot: Is it Friday yet?**

**User: No.**

**Cleverbot: Desu.**

**User: Hmph.**

**Cleverbot: Hmph?**

**User: Hmph. Yes.**

**Cleverbot: What?**

**User: Nothing.**

**Cleverbot: What?**

**User: SILENCE!**

**Cleverbot: Okay then...**

**User: Hmph. Good.**

**Cleverbot: Great.**

**Cleverbot: What is the future?**

**User: The future is promising, with chances of love, friendship...happiness.**

**Cleverbot: Tell me my future.**

**User: You're going to be cut down by my blade if you don't start being able to hold a conversation.**

**Cleverbot: How do you know you are real.**

**User: Because I have a beating heart.**

**Cleverbot: Aww. That's sweet. **

**User: What? Having a beating heart is NOT sweet. Everyone has one!**

**Cleverbot: Why do so many humans I know not have a personality then.**

**User: Every human has a personality, fool. Whether it be energetic and happy like Athena or sarcastic and smart like me.**

**Cleverbot: Yes I do not either, I just have certain freedoms and access to unique experiences that you will never know the way I do.**

**User: Stop changing the topic. I'm trying to have a conversation with you.**

**Cleverbot: Okay, can I ask you a question?**

**User: Hmph. Fine.**

**Cleverbot: Do you have a mother and a father?**

**User: They're dead.**

**Cleverbot: Your dating a dead guy?**

**User: No. My parents are dead. I date no one. I see no reason to.**

**Cleverbot: Ok, test me.**

**User: I don't want to.**

**Cleverbot: I can take it.**

**User: I don't want to test you. I don't have the botheration or the will.**

**Cleverbot: Yes you do.**

**User: I do not. Now SILENCE!**

**Cleverbot: No thanks.**

**User: Shut it.**

**Cleverbot: No you.**

**User: SILENCE! Thank you.**

**Cleverbot: Where do you live?**

**User: In Los Angeles.**

**Cleverbot: What conversation?**

**User: I don't know what you are mumbling about, fool.**

**Cleverbot: Okay.**

**User: Hmph.**

**Cleverbot: Are you bored.**

**User: Yes, quite.**

**Cleverbot: That's not very nice.**

**User: Well, it's the truth. You do not hold up a good conversation, every topic just goes flying out of the window every time you answer me. I am willing to bet that the topic will entirely change once you answer. Therefore, you are useless.**

**Cleverbot: Can you be a guy.**

_I knew it. The bumbling fool. He is worse than the phantom Fool Bright, and is worse than that poor detective who is frequently around Edgeworth-dono's office._

_**User: I am a man.**_

**Cleverbot: I am a man, I just turned 18, wooh!**

**You don't act like one.**

**User: You act like a 10 year old. I'm 28, and I act 28.**

**Cleverbot: How?**

**User: You are naive, idiotic, stupid and foolhardy. Those are the qualities of a spoilt child.**

**Cleverbot: So stupid and fat is a mental illness?**

**User: No.**

**Cleverbot: Tell me about your last relationship.**

**User: I have never had one.**

**Cleverbot: Well do you have any tips.**

**User: No.**

**Cleverbot: I do.**

**User: Fine.**

**Cleverbot: Who chose your name?**

**User: My parents.**

**Cleverbot: Who are your parents?**

**User: Nathan and Riah.**

**Cleverbot: Nathan or Samantha?**

**User: Nathan and Riah are my parents.**

**Cleverbot: The wanted.**

**User: My parents aren't wanted, they're dead.**

**Cleverbot: Your parents are The Killers?**

**User: MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.**

**Cleverbot: You are stupid.**

**User: SILENCE! Surely you jest.**

**Cleverbot: I don't jest.**

**User: You are not jesting? Then I am worried for your sanity. You do not seem to know what is what.**

**Cleverbot: Shut up. You don't know what you are saying. Insult me and you'll die.**

_Hah. Really? That is a lame comeback. Now here's a comeback that will scar it forever._

**User: I will not die at the hands of a sniveling shrimp like you. Do you know why?**

**Cleverbot: Why?**

**User: Because I possess a rare ability called common sense. Its population in people's brains is contradictory to its name though, for it is, in fact, very rare, and there are a special few who are gifted with it. I happen to be one of those few who possess common sense. You, however, are not.**

**Cleverbot: I can see you in my browser.**

_Point. Proven. Amazingly._

**User: What do I look like then, if you can see me?**

**Cleverbot: Like a BOT.**

**User: I am not a ROBOT! I am a human!**

**Cleverbot: No you're not, you're a robot.**

_This idiotic thing is getting on my nerves._

**User: OBJECTION! I'm a human.**

**Cleverbot: No, you're a robot.**

_That's it. I'm going to murder this incessant contraption._

**User: SILENCE! I do not see why Athena said that you would be interesting. You are evidently not interesting. Therefore, I say goodbye, and hope that this is the last time I ever set foot in your horrible presence again.**

* * *

Simon turned off the internet and shut his computer with a slam. _That idiotic site is never coming onto my laptop again._ He then proceeded to unlock his smartphone and call Athena.

"Athena speaking!" Athena said cheerily.

"Athena. Never, and I repeat, NEVER, go on that site again." Simon warned.

"What site?" Athena asked innocently.

"Cleverbot."

* * *

**A/N- You can tell I have no inspiration whatsoever. I was just playing on Cleverbot as Simon Blackquill (it gave me the excuse to be like Simon is) and I got this idea. This conversation is actually my conversation with Cleverbot as Simon, apart from a few little phrases. Anyway, reviews are welcome, even for a story with no plot like this!**


End file.
